读完how will you measure your life

很不错的一本书

读这本书起因有两点:1。半年前有一个学区委员在教会办讲座,讲到中国家长都重视小孩成绩,轻视小孩情商培养。在之前好像有一个高中小孩自杀。其实著名的宇宙中心palo alto high每年都有小孩自杀。当时就想我们到底希望小孩成为什么样的人?这个问题一直没有答案。

2。在朋友圈看到一篇文章,评论收藏大公司是如何倒下的?我见了提出“创新者窘境”的那个人,下半段提到这个作者出了本新书,how to measure your life。看到这个题目就想,这不就是我要寻找的东西么?

3。从今年上半年开始搞深度学习。感觉最重要的一个东西就是如何定义loss function。你定义了什么样的loss function就决定了你训练出来的模型的个性。或者说,目标决定个性。

怎么定义成功,决定了你要怎样培养你的小孩,决定了你自己怎么去生活。

或者可以反过来说,也如这本书所说,也如罗振宇所说,一个人怎么做决定,怎么安排时间,就看出这是一个什么样的人。他的价值观。他的人生目标。

来到湾区发现进入了另一个江湖。感觉每个人都很忙。自己也很忙。经常忙得想在公司多呆一会儿。事情总是做不完。压力总是很大。还想升职。

时不时,还会想想impact the world。

而另一方面,似乎总能听到圣灵微声说话,圣经不是这样教的。圣经没有说你要发财,你要升职。

看完这本书,终于找到答案。这本书的作者说

"I’ve concluded that the metric by which God will assess my life isn’t dollars, but the individual people whose lives I’ve touched."

虽然作为十年的基督徒,也知道标准答案人应该荣耀神

但是怎么叫做荣耀神?

很多时候就变成了荣耀自己。

而这个哥们的这句话,非常的concrete,concise and clear。

这本书其实是从一个永恒的主题开始的,就是如何寻求快乐?

每个人都在寻求快乐,这是毫无疑问的。

那么问题是,为什么寻求快乐的那么多个体,那么多优秀的人,最后反而落得个不快乐的结局?

比如作者的同学,enron scandal的CEO。

很多所谓的成功人士,为何身败名裂,为何妻离子散?

难道他们不追求快乐?不够聪明?不够努力?

作者在某个时刻,跟我一样,开始考虑how to measure your life?

这是一个终极问题。又是一个在潜意识里操纵我们一生的原动力?

就像深度学习里的loss function,在每一个事件来临时,决定模型往哪个方向偏移。

我们每一天的无数决策,无不依赖这一深层次的价值观。

比如周日是否要去教会?是否愿意陪孩子玩耍?是否要加班?是否要作弊?看书还是八卦?孩子成绩一般我们什么态度?

我们的自我评价同样依赖于这一价值观。如果对面这个人赚钱比我多,我是否觉得低人一等?如果对面这个人赚钱少,我们是否觉得高人一等?如果自己的孩子没有别人家聪明,我们是否觉得羞愧?如果我们工作表现不好被裁员,我们是否觉得自己就是个loser,生命没有意义?

How do you measure your life?

After watching this, your brain will not be the same

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LNHBMFCzznE

这个ted演讲,有9M的观看

总结一下吧,有些新的认知

1。过去人们认为,人脑过了青春期就不怎么发育了。所以小孩阶段的学习很重要。其实不是这样,人一辈子脑子都会持续发育,只要不停止学习。

2。 人脑有短期学习能力和长期学习能力。人脑的神经系统的结构会根据学习而不断的变化。或者说,人脑是可编程的。

3。每个人的天分不一样。有些人有运动的天赋。有些人有音乐的天赋。

其实,感觉上也都是常识。总之,就是不要自我设限。

知识焦虑

听了罗辑思维 205 这一代人的学习的前半段

加上前两天听的他的2016跨年演讲

基本上可以总结出他确实是这个时代某一类人群的典型代表,或者满足某一类人群的典型需求

那就是知识焦虑者

我们这一代人是正好撞上互联网,装上智能手机这一波潮流的人

无数的信息铺天盖地

每时每刻都处于信息过载的状态

其实并不是互联网之前没有类似的情况

从最开始的印刷出版,报纸,电视,广播,书,光盘

而移动互联网加重了这种趋势

人显得越来越不来烦

另一方面,公司与公司,人与人的竞争变得空前激烈,都拜互联网所赐

曾经的人和公司受地理限制,可以占地为王,可以当地头蛇

而互联网的出现打破了地理限制

大公司都必须面临全国化甚至全球化的博弈

人才的竞争也是如此

大部分的大学毕业生涌向少数几个城市

人才越来越集中

房子越来越贵

竞争环境越来越惨烈

公司面临的生存压力直接传导给个人

上至CEO,下至小职员,都面临着生存压力

我们不仅面临自己的压力,还面临小孩未来的压力

我们不仅希望自己不落人后,更希望小孩未来也能出人头地

知识,似乎就成了一个救命稻草,一个能量块,一本九阴真经

我们相信,只要学到了更多的知识,就可以穿透阶层,就可以活得体面,就可以有光明的未来

罗胖,就是这个时代的知识贩卖者

他敏锐的捕捉到了这一代人的需求,并且把需求放大,

他也把焦虑合法化,把体面有文化内涵的生活合法化。

从某种意义上来说,他就是一个传教士。

那么,在基督教世界,有类似的传教士么?

罗胖的2016跨年演讲

因为前两天的potluck,老同学说这个哥们自我定位“终身学习者”

因为这个自我定位我决定听一听

朋友发了2016跨年演讲链接

听了一下发现停不下来,下载了mp3在开车的时候继续听

听的很high

确实很有料

比如一个人是个什么样的人就看他怎么使用他的时间

这跟最近读的how will you measure your life提的观点类似

还有一些比如时间争夺,服务升级,认知,共同体等等都是很不错的视角

不过,最震撼的是,我发现自己如果不听这个,自己落后了多少时代都不知道

这么一个人,据说有一千万粉丝,还是铁杆

这是什么概念?

我们教会主日敬拜一般成年人也只有300左右

他一个人,顶30万牧师

时代真是变了

他强调终身学习,而教会很少提学习这个词。

他学习的模式和传播学习的模式也很有趣,找一个领域最厉害的人,专门给你讲精华的东西,你都不用自己看。

记得以前读资治通鉴,五代十国的时候有一个王,不识字,但是喜欢听别人给他说书。

其实听人讲是一个很高效的学习方式,如果讲得很好的话。

这个世界变化太快。人太忙碌。时间太少。如何用少的时间学到更多的知识?

每天开车上下班,差不多两个小时耗在路上。听书其实是一个很不错的学习模式。

为什么教会不好好利用互联网讲道传道这种模式呢?

乱七八糟

昨天一个类似答辩的东西通过了,比想象中要轻松。感谢主。前一个晚上还做了一个跟现实相似的梦。不知道是不是神有意安慰我。昨天早上开车的时候还在一路思考。有必要这么紧张么?人可以跳出处境么?怎么理解倚靠神呢?

其实一个人最大的敌人是他自己。

他自己是一切焦虑,不快乐的根源所在。

他自己总是不断给自己设置一个又一个目标。

这些目标成为他的主人,每个目标的成败都决定了他的快乐与否。

从某种意义上来说,决定了他的自我评价,甚至决定了他的生死存亡。

圣经说,你们得不到,是因为你们妄求。

我们的欲望里,到底有多少是妄求?

完成工作上的任务是不是妄求?升职是不是妄求?讨老板欢喜是不是妄求?赚更多的钱是不是妄求?娃上名校是不是妄求?追求工作的所谓impact是不是妄求?

今天早上开车又想。

想起豆豆和sophie的一个故事。有一次他们俩一起荡秋千。sophie说我先看见一个东西。豆豆不服气,说我先看到的。sophie说我先,豆豆说我先。两个人就为这事儿吵个不停,最后不欢而散。

古话说,人比人,气死人。

其实,成人很多时候,不过是放大版的小孩。

好的公司,好的职位,高的职位,名次,名声,这些都是稀缺的。而人却都要争夺这些东西。于是变得跟豆豆和sophie一样不快乐。

小的时候,考试有排名。长大了,房子,衣服,车,钞票成了排名。在公司里,职位,绩效考核成了排名。

人陷入这个世界,不知不觉就成了排名的努力。

失败是痛苦的,成功是甜美的。

蒙特梭利指明了另外一条道路。

人的发展不应该被这些外在赏赐所左右。人应该在play,在工作中完善和发展自己。

蒙特梭利提倡的这种play,work是不计算任何排名,不计算任何外在赏赐的play和work。

比如画一幅画,创造一个东西。

好吧,陷入在世界中的人该怎么办呢?

“答辩”之于我就如大敌。过了,这个季度目标就有保底。没过,就又是失败的一个季度。

想起来以色列出埃及,进迦南地之前。摩西排了几个探子去打探。大部分探子看到迦南地的人又高又大,就恐惧。回来报信。以色列人也恐惧。只有约书亚和另外一个不害怕。因为他们倚靠神。因为得胜不在乎人,而在乎万军之耶和华。

其实即使答辩失败又如何呢?太阳不还是那个太阳?神不还是那个神?他不还是那个继续施恩惠,有怜悯的神么?

所以,胜,归于耶和华。败,归于耶和华。

无论胜败,都是耶和华的带领。都是耶和华的祝福。

这个世界,有些人扫地,有些人建房,有些人照顾病人,有些人教书。有些人赚得少。有些人赚得多。在人眼里,人有贵贱。在神眼里,no difference。耶稣说,投入一个铜板的寡妇比捐很多钱的财主更蒙神的喜悦。人不过是一个器皿,大小不一,目的是达成器皿的功用。又多的能力就多做。少的能力就少做。何必自夸自卑呢?神看中的是心意,不是结果。一个铜板,一块金子,在神眼里价值都一样。

Mount hermon

劳劳碌碌,匆匆忙忙,辛辛苦苦

感觉自己就像一条被蒙了眼的驴,整天绕着磨转圈

又像一条奔跑在轮子上的小老鼠,停不下来

来到Mount Hermon,第一次参加湾区华人春令营,感觉疲惫的身心灵有一次安息的机会

牧师的每句话都打动心灵

大自然的每一处美景都让人心旷神怡

感谢主有这么好的机会

story 15

I stated something similar in a reply below, but I think it is worth repeating on its own…

It is hard to describe to someone who never experienced a job that is overwhelmingly and exclusively awful how much of an impact it makes on you. And I am not talking about a job that you don’t like or don’t enjoy. I mean a job that has zero redeeming qualities and a culture that is incredibly toxic.

You feel like a failure at work, but there is nothing you can do to improve or impress the higher ups. Nothing is good enough. Period. Managers are instructed not to give out performance reviews any higher than a 3/5 for their best performers because the company does not want to pay out bonuses. You can be outputting 44% of the work of a 13 person team and you are called out by your immediate supervisor because you had a word document open and "it was closed the next time I walked by. So you clearly are not working your full 8 hours a day." You have to handle the work of three, then four, then five people because everyone else seems to be getting hired elsewhere and quitting. And the company certainly isn’t replacing them. (Cost savings, yay!) You aren’t able to find a new job despite putting out dozens of feelers and going to a couple interviews a month, and getting to the final interview rounds for 3 or 4 jobs. Congratulations, you worthless POS. You cannot even get hired out of that company. Maybe you really are that awful of an employee. You are miserable. And you see an out (quitting) but if you quit (without a job) there are a whole bunch of questions. Will someone like you ever be able to find work again? If you can’t find work over five months while you are employed, what makes you think you would stand out anymore if you were unemployed? And in some ways the unknowns caused by quitting are even worse than the misery.

So, you go back in the next day and go "no way the prospect of losing my home can be worse than this." Then you go home and it is "no way my job can be worse than losing my home and failing my wife and kids." And in both cases you realize that, yes, somehow, both of those statements are true. The job is more miserable than losing the home which is more miserable than the job which is more miserable than letting down my wife and kids which is more miserable than my job which is more miserable than losing my home which is more miserable than my job which is more miserable than letting my family starve which is more miserable than my job…

…and suddenly you find yourself with a gun in the front seat of your car because there is nothing in life that is not miserable. Nothing.

I was able to quit my toxic job. But if I was in a situation similar to that of Mr. Thomas, I can easily see why he thought he only had one option. And it is heartbreaking for his family.

story 14

Man, this really hit home. That guy’s life could have been mine.

I had this almost this same experience 2 years ago (we were at the job for the same length of time even, five months), and it led to a long period of depression for me. I didn’t kill myself, but I have to tell you, I could see how someone could.

In my circumstance I interviewed as a Senior Engineer, and got offered a Lead engineer position because apparently I had impressed everyone so much (this is important because later, they would claim I wasn’t even good enough to be a senior engineer). I erroneously thought that I would get support and encouragement, I got none of those things. Worse still I was the only black engineer in the entire company at that location, which left me incredibly isolated during my work days, when things got really really rough.

Essentially, 70 days into my tenure, despite 30 and 60 day reviews that seemed fine, my manager and architect of the codebase I worked on, decided I wasn’t up to snuff, and essentially started a process of managing me out of the company. My manager was a very smart engineer but a world class jerk, so when I complained to HR about the unfairness, he was demoted so that both of us were now leads, but guess what?

The Performance improvement process continued … I got a new boss, but he just picked up where the other guy left off. The kicker?

He worked in another city so he actually got feedback on my performance from guess who? my new peer, who clearly now had an axe to grind.

Everything was downhill from there, everything I did was shit, everything. I remember going into work one day and my boss sending me an email that essentially said "you’re not performing at lead engineer level, and you are not even at senior engineer level, if we’re being honest", great morale boost.

When I tried to ask for help (remember I’d never been a lead before) it was turned around as me trying to assign blame to other people. I had nobody to help me, and worse, I was the only black engineer at that location. I felt like and absolute failure everyday for 30 days (they had a 90 day introductory period, so they gave me an additional 30 days to "prove" myself, but in addition I had to agree to that Performance improvement plan, I mentioned earlier.

At one point, I was barely sleeping, was super stressed out and anxious, even on weekends. I’d go into meetings with my new boss, and the old one (remember he’s my peer now) with his superior knowledge of the code base (he built it) would throw me under the bus, claiming I wouldn’t hit my dates, or that my estimates were wrong. Openly, in front of 7 or 8 people, and the new boss would tolerate it.

To add to all this, I was on an h1b, and had left a job that was processing my green card to join this new company. So if I lost the job, I would be right back to square one with everything, and I’d have to find a job within 30 days. Throw that in the mix with being told everyday that I was crap, not having anyone at work to talk to about what was going on, being on a performance improvement plan and walking around totally humiliated wondering what everyone must think of the dumb black engineer who couldn’t even hack it a couple of months.

Anyway, the final straw came when I delivered my project pretty much on time, but my boss changed his tune from "poor performance" to "culture fit". I had known the game was rigged and I was just being managed out, but at that moment I knew it for a fact, and asked to be allowed to give 2 weeks notice, but spend the 2 weeks at home not working for the company, but looking for a job.

They agreed to that, and I was gone.

But that wasn’t the end of that. turns out that at the end of that 2 weeks they had my h1b revoked (usually companies will let it sit a few weeks, especially if they know you’re looking for work). This meant that when I landed a job 30 days later, my visa couldn’t be transferred, and the company had to take back their offer, and move on.

If not for an amazing lawyer who worked some black magic to get my green card 8 months later, (I had an approved i140 from an earlier job, but didn’t realize the significance of that, turns out, its VERY significant). I really don’t know what I would have done.

Those 8 months were truly some dark times, I left the job in October, and let me tell you, being out of work over holidays is no joke, everyone is out making plans and traveling to see family, and there you are contemplating the epic shit your life has become, almost overnight. In addition to failing so badly at a job I desperately wanted to succeed in, I couldn’t work for 8 months, and even worse, didn’t know if I’d be allowed to stay in the country. I was pretty depressed, but I had a group of engineering friends that helped me keep my spirits up, and listened to my rants (no idea how they put up with it honestly), and I think the biggest thing was that a good friend of mine (pretty much my sister), got me into therapy. That was MASSIVE.

If not for that … who the fuck knows.

So yeah … I can totally see the cascade of events that lead to this mans death, I lay the blame squarely at the feet of horrible management, as was the case for me. I wouldn’t be shocked to find that he was placed on a performance improvement plan, and just … gave up.

PS: I’m a bit of a fighter, I don’t shirk from an argument, and I’ll call bs when I see it. This has got me in trouble at a couple of places I’ve worked, but ironically, thats probably something that helped me power through the absolute disgrace of an experience that I went through. I could see how a more mild mannered person, especially a high achiever would just … not.

I mean, can you imagine having to explain to your wife and Children that you’re on a performance improvement plan (which I’m almost 100% sure that this man was on). As a man that has to absolutely destroy you. I didn’t even tell my parents and brothers what had happened for several months, I was just too ashamed.

story 13

Throwaway as usual:

Just last weekend (Friday), I thought I had reached my breaking point. I could not handle my job, my friends, my parents and my side idea to the point I convinced myself that the only solution to my problems was suicide. I went on to 4chan to ask for help on the quickest solution.

The only reason I’m alive today is because Amazon does not have a quick shipping policy (what I ordered would have taken me over a week to receive). Now I’m taking one day at a time in the hope that I don’t reach that situation again.

I truly feel sad for both the Engineer and his family!