Praise for Efforts

我们经常会表扬孩子,我们知道表扬孩子是提升他们自信心的一种方式。我们不愿意打消孩子学习的热情,对不对?

但是不恰当的表扬会带来很大的危害。

很典型的是Praise for Ability。

比如:“wow,你全做对了!你真聪明!你很擅长这个!”

这样的表扬会有什么后果呢?

他们害怕失败。不愿意接受新的挑战。宁愿选择简单的事情去做。他们甚至会对他们的成绩撒谎,总是要表现出很优秀的样子。

为什么呢?因为他们害怕挑战会暴露他们的不足,让别人说他们可能不是那么聪明。

那么,该如何表扬呢?

Praise for Efforts。

比如:“wow,你全做对了!你一定是很努力!花了很大功夫!”

接受这种表扬的孩子愿意接受挑战,失败了会想,我要更努力把问题解决。这样的小孩的成绩往往会不断的进步。

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天赋

一个小孩数学好,我们经常会说他有数学天赋

偶尔我们也会同意如果一个小孩努力,数学成绩提高了,我们会说努力是成绩好的根本原因

但是,艺术呢?比如画画。

有的小孩很小就画画很好。也没有人教。是不是真的就是有些人就是一出生就有画画天赋。而大多数人没有?

mindset书里面有这么一个案例

Betty Edwards开了一门短期画画培训课。五天时间。他让每个学生在刚上课的时候画幅自画像,然后结课的时候再画一次。效果是这样的:

左边的是刚上课时候画的,右边是五天后画的。

而这是一个很典型的现象。不是个案。

有些人确实有天赋,无可否认。但是

"Just because some people can do something with little or no training, it doesn’t mean that others can’t do it (and sometimes do it even better) with training."

克罗地亚进决赛了

一晃就是二十年

98年在大学看球聊球的场景还历历在目

记得有一次看体坛周报,世界杯还没开始,报纸上有一篇文章描述苏克的

从那个时候喜欢上了苏克,也喜欢上了克罗地亚

那一年克罗地亚很给力,3:0淘汰德国进了四强

还记得第二天我跟一个很要好的同学聊球。我兴奋的不得了,说克罗地亚赢了,好厉害,苏克多牛多牛。没想到他是个德国队球迷。一脸不爽的表情。可是那时候的我还年轻气盛,只管自己开心,不顾人家死活。

那一年法国淘汰意大利的那一场球,球赛已经开始,时不时听到各个宿舍传来的吼叫声。可是我们屋子里的电视根本收不着。于是跟室友一起往三教跑。那时已经是晚上,但是天还很热。那个时候德尚还是法国中场队员。记得卡纳瓦罗被飞踹了一脚,他掀起衣服,把身上的受伤印记给裁判看。那个时候也没有视频回放。

那一年的主题音乐应该是gogogo, 哦累哦累哦累~

20年过去,现在在公司里,也是跟着大伙儿一起看球,在食堂里。身边的人来自五湖四海。旁边坐着几个伊朗同事,好像都支持克罗地亚。嘿嘿。时不时又会爆发熟悉的吼叫声。

好吧,今天这场球。看得太过瘾了。克罗地亚绝地反击。成功逆转。一群老骨头,不要命的在场上飞奔。真tm男人。

Craig Groeschel Leadership Podcast: THE DEVELOPER’S DARK SIDE

so many leaders obsess about finding the right strategy, so many leaders obsess about finding the right strategy; the best leaders obsess about developing and empowering the right people.

as leaders, we don’t bet on strategies, we don’t bet on products, we don’t bet on ideas, we bet on people

A critical leader often points out what’s wrong, and rarely what’s right. Critical leaders produce insecure followers. Critical leadership creates a climate of fear.

The insecure leader gives blame, but the strong leader takes responsibility. Show people what they did right, then show them what they can do better.

A rescuing leader dives in and is always ready to help, but sometimes they help too much. They care so much about the people they lead, they start doing all the work for them.

Why are you a rescuing leader? Because, you have an unconscious need to feel valued, and, there’s no better way to feel valued than to be a savior.

This rescuing leader creates helpless followers.

It’s the person who’s addicted, and the family continues to overcompensate for that person’s behaviors. It’s the person that is always broke, and someone continues to give them money, and it ends up not helping the situation. In the end, it ends up hurting them.

As a leader, what we tend to do is we look at someone in the organization and say, he or she isn’t doing this right, so instead of helping the team member learn and grow, the rescuing leader does the work. Jumps in, and gets in the way of the growth process and does the work. To the rescuer, what does it feel? This feels good, it feels loving, it feels helpful. But, any neutral observer’s gonna know you are not helping that person succeed, you’re actually making things get worse.

References:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sX95oYDB_nU

https://api-assets.life.church/assets/cg-show-notes/the-developers-dark-side.pdf

https://open-training-components.s3.amazonaws.com/uploads/cad31dcf-b687-48ee-b029-7c8a9e4802ba/CraigGroeschelLeadershipPodcast_Episode23_TheDevelopersDarkSide.pdf

No is easy, yes is difficult

See https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFULXbga_SY

Here is the script.

If we pushed, anybody can say no "No." No is easy, yes is difficult, why? Because yes, it’s costly, yes is risky, yes means change. If you push the ability to say yes deeper into the organization, you’re gonna build better leaders, you’re gonna retain better leaders and you’re gonna be able to take more risks. The strength of your organization really is a reflection of how many people have the power, the authorization to say yes.

What happens when we have that big idea, "Well I’m not sure if it’s gonna work." "I’m not sure if it’s gonna work." Listen, if you wait until you’re 100% sure you’re way too late. It’s gonna take faith, it’s gonna take risk, that’s what got you to where you were, you didn’t get here by playing it safe and you have to continue to take risk.

We are going to lead change, we will never settle for protecting the old when God called us to create the new.